New study Mark 18 weeks and Ephesians 12 weeks (notice all the references in the lecture from Eph) Remember next two weeks, you may invite someone to visit in your core. May 10 will a dinner and Sharing day-no lecture-no cores- no visitors. Be thinking what you can share about CBS to Glory God not any person.
2 Samuel 13-18; David as a Father, April 19, 2012
Dr. John Gottman's work suggests two important connections for both dads and moms. First, a parent's attitude toward emotions can have a big impact on the way children learn to cope with feelings. Second, children whose parents respond to their emotions with patience and empathy do better in lots of ways, including academic achievement, better overall health, and stronger friendships, among other things. The following tips, developed by the Gottman group, will help fathers and mothers become better emotion coaches.
1. Notice lower intensity emotions in children.
1. Unaware of kids' emotions until they escalate.
2. See these emotions as an opportunity for intimacy or teaching.
2. See these negative emotions as toxic and a failure of parenting.
3. Validate and empathize with emotions, even if there is misbehavior.
3. Try to change the emotion to a positive one, or dismiss the emotion.
4. Help your child verbally label all the emotions he or she is feeling.
4. See introspection as a waste of time or dangerous.
5. Set limits on misbehavior or problem solve if there is no misbehavior.
5. Disapproval of your child having negative emotions.
Someone is watching you. Teach your children well,
David’s despicable behavior and deceit could have been left out of the Bible. His reputation of faithfulness and bravery would be intact. However his behavior in Ch.11-12 does prepare the way for the five chapters we studied this week. I will admit this was not a pleasant passage to prepare for-Lust, rape, murder, jealousy, hatred, vengeance, deceit, pride, rebellion. We still see these events committed every day, spread across the headlines of the newspaper, broadcast on the hourly news.
But ladies, there is a message for parents in these chapter. David excelled at many things he was a shepherd, armor bearer, harpist, warrior, king, but he would not win any awards for father of the year. Earlier in first Samuel we studied the close bonded relationship between David and Jonathan. But since that time David’s priority seems to be winning battles and collecting wives.
FATHERS and SONS
DAVID AS A FATHER
Let’s go through a list of habits of bad parenting. Are we guilty of any of these?
SET A BAD EXAMPLE The first problem was the multiple wives and numerous children. An act forbidden by God. Most men today do not have time for one wife and children, much less ruling a kingdom and keeping 8 wives happy. However the sins committed against Bathsheba and Uriah opened wide the door for his children follow in his sin. As Nathan had prophesied in ch.12
His sons were watching David. Did he teach his children well?
LACK OF DISCIPLINE-David was furious with Amnon for his rape of Tamar, but we do not find anywhere in scripture where he received discipline from David. Being David’s oldest child, David may have felt his own sin with Bathsheba denied him the right to lecture Amnon. The only comfort we hear Tamar receives is from her own brother Absalom. David’s lack of discipline likely forced Absalom to take action two years later.
Ch.15 we will see the failure to discipline Absalom for the murder of Amnon led to rebellion and anarchy.
DENIED THEM NOTHING-As children of a king we can only guess at the material things available in the palace of the king. From Ch.13 each son appears to have their own compartment or house.
" In all Israel there was not a man so highly praised for his handsome appearance as Absalom. From the top of his head to the sole of his foot there was no blemish in him. 2 Samuel 14:25
Absalom's name signifies "the peace of his father.” He was prideful being the son of King David and his mother, Maacah, daughter to Talmai, king of Geshur:
Ch. 15 Absalom came parading into Jerusalem with chariots and horses, and fifty men to run before him. He probably acquired the horses from his grandfather King of Geshur.
While David and most of David’s men rode a mule or walked. Looking ahead to 1 Kings 1: 5 Although Adonijah, had a different mother, Haggith, he was haugthy and proud and said, “I will be king.” So he got chariots and horses[a] ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him. 6 (His father had never interfered with him by asking, (denied him anything)“Why do you behave as you do?” He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.)
SHOWED FAVORITISM 38 After Absalom fled and went to Geshur, he stayed there three years. 39 And the spirit of the king[d] longed to go to Absalom, for he was consoled concerning Amnon’s death. Similiarly when Bathsheba lost her first baby, once the son was dead he mourned it no longer.
Jacob had made the same mistake in loving Joseph more than his other sons. David’s elevated affection for Absalom hurt David’s family, his reputation, and adversely affected the nation. Are we listening?
TOO BUSY Parenting expert Mary Gordon "We are robbing our children and we are robbing ourselves of the richest relationships of our lifetime," she warns. "It means we're not really shoring them up for success”. Children of all ages need individual time with their parents and fathers and sons need together time ... without any agenda.
Statistics say most fathers spend less than 38 seconds a day giving full attention to their sons; 20 minutes of partially attentive to their children. In comparison children spend 54 hours a week in front of the television. These statistics are not recent, but I would think video games, iPhones, mp 3,4,5 players consume more time than TV. Of course, they might have the TV on at the same time.
Someone is watching you. Teach your children well.
Sins of the Sons
Amnon: Lust for sexual passion - This would be a case of the father not aware of his son’s emotional state. Amnon had made himself sick from his lustful desire for his sister. Cousin Jonadab devises the plan for Amnon have his sister. The king came to visit Amnon. 7 David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.” Kind of like sending an innocent into a lion den. Tamar was a virgin until this time, now she is disgraced and unmarriageable. This love turned hate was indicative of a sinful heart.
21 When King David heard all this, he was furious. But Tamar’s intense pain of rape and then rejection was not addressed by David.
As parents we would do well to teach our sons while they are young the saving principles found in God's WORD.
Psalm 119:9-10 How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!
Romans 12:1 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
Absalom: Lust for Revenge- Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.
. 22 Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.
For two years Absalom’s anger was seething in silence, ready to explode like a bomb from WWII found recently discovered.
January 20, 2012 A medals ceremony for the Winter Youth Olympics in Austria has been rescheduled when a bomb was found nearby, it was defused without causing any damage or injuries. Bombs left over from World War II have gone unnoticed for almost 70 years and are regularly discovered during construction work in Austria, Germany, and other countries. There have been numerous deaths where the bombs accidently exploded before they could be disarmed.
Anger is not a sin in itself. However, unresolved anger can be hazardous to your health. The danger lies when we repress and silence the anger and then suddenly blow up The explosion may cause harm to you and those around you.
Ephesians 4:26Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
Effects of anger on your system; studies show that people who had a lot of hidden rage experience frequent headaches, high blood pressure, difficulty sleeping, and poor digestion. In fact, research published in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology showed that there’s a strong link between hostility and heart disease.
The only known cure is forgiveness.
Ephesians 4: 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling. If you have trouble forgiving make a list of all the sins Jesus has forgiven you for. Remember we are commanded to forgive.
Someone is watching you. Are you teaching your children to Forgive.
Absalom’s Lust for power
After killing Amnon, Absalom seeks refuge in Geshur where his Grandfather was king. Four years there and two more years in Jerusalem without seeing his father’s face, he burns Joab’s field to get his attention. But no sooner did the king kiss his son’s face than Absalom begins his conspiracy.
15 4 And Absalom would add, “If only I were appointed judge in the land! Then everyone who has a complaint or case could come to me and I would see that he gets justice.”
5 Also, whenever anyone approached him to bow down before him, Absalom would reach out his hand, take hold of him and kiss him. 6 Absalom behaved in this way toward all the Israelites who came to the king asking for justice, and so he stole the hearts of the men of Israel.
Next Absalom lies to his father, concocts a scheme to take 200 innocents with him, secretly spreading the word to the tribes to shout at the sound of the trumpet- “Absalom is King in Hebron.”
Absalom was watching David. He told the people what they wanted to hear.
David hears the news and to avoid countless deaths and the utter destruction of Jerusalem, he flees with all but 10 concubines. The prophecy of Nathan’s will come to pass on the same roof that David spied Bathsheba. I wish we had time to comment on the betrayal of friends and the ark being sent back and faithful friends who stood by David.
15:30 But David continued up the Mount of Olives, weeping as he went; his head was covered and he was barefoot. All the people with him covered their heads too and were weeping as they went up.
Imagine the mighty David running from his son and Shimei, the Benjamite cursing and throwing stones at David and showering him with dirt.
“Leave him alone; let him curse, for the LORD has told him to.” 2 Samuel 16:
Shimei was watching David. We reap what we sow.
Chapter 16- David and all his people cross the Jordan were cared for in Mahanaim. You may remember this is where Isbosheth ran when was King.
Ch.17- Hushai, David’s friend gives advice to Absalom that saves the King. For the LORD had determined to frustrate the good advice of Ahithophel in order to bring disaster on Absalom.
Ch.18- David sent troops out to meet Absalom
5 The king commanded Joab, Abishai and Ittai, “Be gentle with the young man Absalom for my sake.” And all the troops heard the king giving orders concerning Absalom to each of the commanders.
Joab disregards the commands and kills Absalom himself. Hmm let’s keep an eye on Joab.
Chapter 18 ends with an obvious declaration of David’s love for Absalom. 33 The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!”
Such sorrow for a Father. Someone is watching you. Teach your children well,
Our FATHER-He is our Shepherd, our Comforter, our Provider and Friend
1 Corinthians 8:6 yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.
2 Thessalonians 2:15-1715 So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings[a] we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter. 16 May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, 17 encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.
Will you choose to honor the teachings of you Father?
Someone is watching you. Teach your children well.